My thanks to a fellow blogger, Debbie, for sharing this moving and creative video with me and for showing me how to share it with you.
Archive for the ‘Canine companions’ Category
16 May
A dog named Free
Free, In her element by the mountain creek.
I was a young mother and at times, when I look back, I think I grew up with my son. Sometimes I’d get strange ideas. Like with getting a dog. I told him if we were supposed to have a dog (as if everything is predetermined, which I don’t believe is so), that one would probably just come to us. I told him if the opportunity arose before school started, which was only about ten days later, then I’d think about it.
“$25.00” read the sign on the side of the large cardboard box.
I don’t know how my son spotted it since we were across the street eating , but he did. We were at the Apple Chill festival downtown Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
“Mom! Look!” And he ran. He ran fast to the other side of the road and then I heard, “Mom, come here and hurry!”
Approaching the box I had no clue what was inside. My son had already spoken with the nice woman standing beside of it. She was smiling. He leaned down and came out with a small but fat black furry puppy. It was the ninth day since I’d said what I had and unknowingly to me, he had counted the days.
“It’s the ninth day Mom!” He placed the puppy in my hands and looked into my eyes. Very quickly he said here let me take that one and he put it back in the box. “There she is,” he said. He picked up another puppy, gently placing her in my hands. A smile came across his face instantly and right then tears flowed from my eyes.
I didn’t know why. I felt something deep inside me. I knew she had come to us. I knew too that we needed an extra family member. Two was not enough. We needed three and there was our third member, curled up in the cup of my hands just like she had fallen from heaven.
“Can we take her home now?” my son asked. He hadn’t tried to hold her but instead he wanted me to keep holding her. “You like her don’t you Mom,” he said with great confidence, and I most certainly did.
“I have some cash in my car,” I told the nice woman selling her puppies at the festival. “I’ll go and get it.”
My son’s face glowed. The woman’s eyes teared up. “You don’t have to pay,” she said. I can tell you guys are going to give her a wonderful home and that means so much to me. I can tell you both already love her!”
“Here is eight dollars,” I told her, which was all the cash I had on me. I offered to pay more but she insisted that we not pay anymore. She thanked me saying this would cover the puppy shots she had paid for.
Free lived with us as our third and necessary extra family member for 12 years, which is not much time in my time, but a bit in hers.
Most people think she was free, but we named her after a horse from Texas. Free always reminded me of horses. She grazed in fields of grass as a pastime and almost always never got sick.
I’m thinking about Free a lot lately. Free lived every moment to the fullest. She engaged in life with every fiber of her being, even in the end she still wanted to experience life, mostly the fresh air outside.
Free passed with as much glory as she had come to us with, leaving her love and teachings with me forever.
I found a note I wrote shortly after she passed on. I know it is sad to think about our pets who had to leave Earth, but for me, I cannot forget.
I spent three amazing days with Free shortly before she left this earth. I spent every day with Free during her life, but those three days were special. I stayed with her the entire time. I lied down as close as I could get with her in the corner. The Thunder beings came, which always scared Free and I held her close. I stared into her eyes and I told her all that she meant to me.
People think you’re crazy when you say you can communicate with your dog. I think people who can’t are kind of strange.
Free sure shared a lot with me. She was my teacher. Those three days –Free showed me the world from her view. I could see life from a place of complete forgiveness, peace and a knowing that it is all okay.
I came across this note I’d written in my diary shortly after Free passed on.
She remains an angel.
A gift from God
I am humbled
My face towards the ground, my head hanging low
I reach for the earth, the roots run deep
I return to the sky, the trees stand tall
And this is Free
She is everything beautiful.
A Healing Garden, In Memory of Free
26 Apr
I AM FREE
I AM FREE
I am Free.
I once had four legs with webbed paws.
I swam in rivers, lakes, ponds and the ocean.
I plopped down in big ‘ol dirty mud puddles too.
I absolutely loved water!
I fetched sticks and balls
and anything my human friends threw for me.
I loved it on earth!
I had a great human mom
and a terrific big brother to play with me.
I went camping and traveled
all around the country
with my beloved human family.
We had lots of fun!
I loved them very much and they loved me too.
I once ran so fast into a stick that I had to have surgery.
I was very enthusiastic about fetching!
I swam in just about every river in the southeastern United States.
I camped in most of the national forests.
I went all the way to New Mexico and once lived on a horse farm in Texas.
I was named after a horse that my human mom’s friend knew.
I did lots of fun things during my life on earth.
I totally digged food and raw meat bones!
I ate all sorts of things that my human family thought I shouldn’t have.
I once ate an entire bag of Halloween candy!
Chocolate, caramel, suckers, chewing gum, even the paper.
I liked everything in the bag, except for the very hot red balls.
I tried each one but that was no fun.
I was a very good girl but I did steal toys from neighbors.
I was kind of spoiled.
As I got older I didn’t care much for other four-leggeds in my territory.
I did like one in particular.
I loved visiting her and running in her grass.
She lived on a farm at my human aunt’s house,
so I guess, we were first cousins.
I lived on earth almost 13 years. That’s almost 90 human years.
I enjoyed my life and loved my family,
so I will tell of that and our wonderful years together.
I want my human family to remember our fun times.
I want them to be happy when they think of me.
I am Free.
In Memory of my Free Girl, who blessed this earth from 1993-2006.
14 Apr
A bright star and a drop of heaven
“My Buddy is a Dog”
A letter from a smart girl to a smart dog, with Love.
I received this letter today from a sweet and wonderful girl who has obviously fallen in love with my dog. My dog’s name sounds like “Roofy,” so I left the letter as it is, except for my input to correct my name, “Ms. Dogkisses.”
This was a long winter for me and my dogs. I was injured from a bicycle accident and then a serious cut to two fingers. There were many days when I could not walk them too far and some days not at all. My young 4legged companion, “Roofy,” really needed a friend to play with her.
With the dawn of Spring we met our new neighbor.
“Roofy,” runs as fast as she can and the girl holds on, running behind her laughing the entire time. It’s hard not to smile seeing them run like they do. It’s hard to stay down in the dumps in their presence, so I don’t.
“Roofy’s” new buddy is a bright star for us both. One day when I was sad, she had a bowl of jelly beans her dad had dropped off a few minutes earlier. They were amazing jelly beans. One tasted exactly like buttered popcorn.
“I know how to make you laugh,” she said.
“How?” I asked, smiling some, trying not to cry.
“If you eat two different flavors at the same time, it will taste so bad that you will laugh.”
So I tried it. I couldn’t see how this was supposed to make me laugh, but I figured why not and that maybe she knew something about laughter that I don’t. She was certainly right about them tasting bad together. The two I chose tasted like cheap whiskey. I made an ugly face and she smiled. She was waiting on me though before she laughed.
Her anticipation was clearly visible. I had to smile, not from the taste of whiskey, but at the abundance of life in her face.
Joy is easy for her to reach and the hope in her eyes that she could make me laugh was simply beautiful. Several times since we met, I’ve felt the desire to at least allow a door for joy to enter.
I had mentioned in front of our young friend that one day I might move. I wish I hadn’t said it. I was just thinking out loud, but she immediately responded saying she would miss us, well, she specifically said my dog. I immediately regretted having said anything about moving, especially since I’m not planning on it anytime soon.
Children and young people think more about now than yesterday or tomorrow, kind of like dogs. They really do know how to live.
That night she wrote this letter. I read it while she visited me today. She asked me to tell her my three favorite things about the letter.
I was completely moved. I told her I loved the entire letter, which I do. I told her I especially liked the first line, and then how she described her feelings so well. I didn’t know she enjoyed writing.
I didn’t tell her that the last line made me a little sad because one day I might have to move. But again, that is the future and the girl and the dog do not live in the future. I was sorry to have mentioned it. Honestly, if she said her family was moving, I’d be sad too.
Every day I look forward to the school bus now. Every day that I am blessed with a visit with the girl, I feel happy. I wish I’d had more children but I didn’t. I wish I had a daughter and my son had a sister, but we don’t.
Life is amazing isn’t it? With pain, sadness and grief, there are these bright moments that seem like they are no less than drops of heaven sent straight into our laps. I guess that’s why we endure hard times, because we know there will be these precious moments that make us glad to be alive.
All those long winter nights when I cried, and cried some more, and then I silently prayed. I prayed for help in this world — on this physical planet we call earth. My heart had a hole in it so I’m glad it is being filled with joy and the love between a girl and a dog.
I love my dogs. They give so much. They are truly amazing animals so of course I want them to be happy.
They help me more than any medicine doctors have ever had available for depression. They give me a reason to keep going when everything around me is falling down. They love me when I’m sick or in pain. They love me every single day, even on days I’m too sick to walk them.
In my darkest hours they are here for me and they know. They know when I am in the darkness of grief. The lower I fall the closer they move their furry bodies to mine. Sometimes I think I’ll get smothered if I don’t get my butt up and live a little.
It was true. The day the girl didn’t come, “Roofy” watched the window and every time she heard people outside she got excited, until she realized it was not her new friend. She let out a little sigh each time. I could tell she missed her friend that day.
Today they were both happy. They climbed a steep hill together. The girl is a bright star and the dog is a little drop of heaven. They are quite a pair.
I have a new friend!
This is a picture of my Egyptian princess on a day she is happy with her new friend.
I call her an Egyptian beetle-hound princess because she has natural eyeliner and beauty marks that remind me of Cleopatra. She also hunts and finds insects. In photos, her eyes almost always have the green glow around them. I guess this is “red eye” in a dog’s world.
A couple of days after this happy day the girl, “got on the A-B honor roll for the first time.” She was proud of herself. I wondered if her new friend has helped her as much as she has helped us.
4 Apr
An insect hunter with a tender heart
The pretty princess in the photo is an insect hunter. Aside from hundreds of captured insects, she has caught a rat, a squirrel and discovered a snake under my bookshelf. The rat was gross, and dead. I did not witness the slaying of the poor squirrel, but my mom’s landlord did and watched the entire scenario without coming to tell me what she was doing, which as I said, was killing a squirrel. And yet she is the most sensitive and sweetest dog I’ve ever met!
Anyone will tell you so because it’s true. She’s my, “tender-heart,” a fellow-doglover who once met her told me. Her tenderness and sweet spirit shines, especially to people who can see these sorts of things.
She wanted to get that snake. I was too scared and dialed 911, but that’s another story.
Insect hunting is by far her greatest skill. She discovers every crawling creature that enters our home. Sometimes at night we’ll be lying together in the dark watching television. She’ll be curled up in her little ball with her head tucked in between her legs, sleeping like dogs sleep, and all of the sudden she’ll jump up. I know she has suddenly become aware of a bug.
I don’t know if she hears bugs crawling or smells them, but she sure knows when they are about and I’m talking anything from the smallest spider to those huge long awful looking bugs that folks around here call water bugs.
I get up and follow her wherever she goes; into the kitchen or often near the fireplace. I wait ’til she stops, which she does, and stares. I turn on a light and try to kill it before she gets to it.
I kill spiders and bugs in my home. I didn’t use to do this, but now that I live in the woods and have nearly died from Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, I figure from now on, it’s survival of the fittest.
The other skill my insect hunter has is judging people’s nature.
We both have a new friend now as a result of her ability to attract nice people. Our friend is ten years old. She is as sweet as my four-legged is!
They have fallen in love with each other. Our new friend is not only really sweet but is also strong and tall. She can definitely handle the leash when my tender princess takes off running and pulls as hard as she can. Watching the smiles on both their faces as they run together is awesome!
Yesterday they played and I could tell it was hard for the little girl to leave. She wanted to stay with us but I was sick and needed to go inside and rest. She looked into my dog’s eyes, gently stroking her soft little face and head. My dog’s eyes stared directly into the girl’s, and it sure looked like love to me.
The little girl noticed it. Realizing she couldn’t stay with us, she sat down on my porch amongst the leaves and branches, which didn’t bother her at all. “Does she say bye to everyone this way?” she asked me.
“No, she doesn’t,” I told her, which is true. “She loves a few people more than anyone else,” I added. “She loves my son, but she has taken to you for sure.”
“She’s the greatest dog in the world,” the girl said. ” I love her.”
I had hugged our other dog as she was rubbing the silky fur my insect hunter is covered in. She had watched me. I sensed that she really wanted to hug her new 4legged love. I wondered if she had ever hugged a dog and remembered my first time.
I was in Texas with my girl Free who blessed this earth from 1993 – 2006. My good friend asked me if I talked to my dogs. I realized I didn’t. She asked if I ever gave them big hugs the same as I would a person. I didn’t. She taught me that day how to love more my canine companion.
I remembered how great it felt the first time I gave Free a big strong hug and began talking to her. I hugged her pretty much every day after that. Now, if I forget to hug my dogs, then something was wrong with the day.
Our new young friend stood there, a bit antsy it seemed, and realizing she had to leave she reached down and hugged her furry friend. I could tell she loved it. The only thing she seemed to be aware of was the experience of the love of a dog.
It was an awesome love to witness.
My dog has brought me a new friend. We both love being with her. They run and sometimes we talk. I love our conversations. You don’t have to pretend around children. You can just enjoy the moment because that’s how they live. In the moment. A lot like dogs.
A Dog's Welcome Home
5 Feb
The love of a dog
whose there?
Okay, my first day using my left hand and it is slow going. Today, after a long day with medical professionals, I come home and realize how blessed I am to have two of the dearest, most loving beings on the planet right here with me! ME!
Whew… done with left hand now.
I look into their eyes. I know I’m lucky. I’m honored to have them in my life and am truly humbled by their presence. I believe they are straight from heaven.
My luck doesn’t seem so great in many ways lately, but in doggie land and up in doggie heaven somebody must really like me!
I wish everyone could see in dogs what I see. I wish everyone loved dogs.
I’m glad I know, the love of a dog.
Egyptian BeautyHound
7 Jan
I wish I had time to tell you.
I wish I had time to tell you about Free. She was a beautiful lab mixed with some Border Collie so of course she was not only beautiful she was highly intelligent! Smarter than most folks, four-legged or two-legged that I ever knew.
Free was the greatest teacher I’ve ever had. She left her mark upon this earth and a good one it was!
My Greatest Teacher and most beloved 4legged, Free
Anyone who ever met Free instantly loved her. “She sure looks like a happy dog,” many people would say. I always thought it interesting that this is what most people saw when they looked at Free — happiness.
Free was happy when doctors said she ought not be. “She’s wagging her tail and eating well,” they said with surprise when she had a cancerous tumor on her leg, which I will not talk about.
I can only talk about the happy memories. The other part is too sad.
In Free’s last days on this earth, she showed me everything. She showed me a place where things are okay. A place where everything that happens can, in the end, be okay. She showed me that the guilt I felt was not needed, even though my heart does still break.
My doctors said I needed antidepressants but I, instead spent time with Free, lying close to her body, looking into her eyes and listening. I cried the entire time. Free showed me everything. Everything that is beautiful.
I wish I had time to tell you all about it. I wish I had time, and one day I will. I’ll tell you about how her spirit came back to visit several times. I do not believe what people say about dogs not having a spirit. I just don’t!
Free’s spirit is awesome. In the darkest moments after she passed she came. She brought me messages. The last time I saw her she reminded me of our agreement, which was that I would be okay and that one day I would get another dog.
It feels funny calling Free a dog.
Free’s spirit spoke and moved a woman in my life who is mostly responsible I think for me having the dog I have now.
I know they are dogs. I know they are canines. I do not think they are human. Dogs are however living beings with feelings. Dogs do actually rule!
I wish I had time to tell you how my good insect hunter I have now came and how Free had her earth angel helping her to help me.
Her earth angel’s name is Tiffany. I wish I had time too to tell of her.
I don’t usually speak of spirits and angels. I don’t pretend to understand how life works. I just know what I’ve experienced.
So one day, when I have time, I will tell you.
I’ll tell you how my dogs save my life pretty much all the time and how it’s just fine for now. I’ll tell you about how it is a dog that can make me feel needed and how important feeling needed is.
‘kisses
15 Nov
Fibromyalgia HURTS!
“How often do you wake up in pain,” my good nurse asked.
“Pretty much every day lately,” I told her.
Her question was the first thing that came to my mind today as I was waking up.
I lied there for the first few minutes, as my brain processed how much pain I was feeling. I thought about my medication and how it was only steps away.
Having overslept, I was an hour late with my dose and when I woke up, there it was! Severe Pain all over my body.
It’s hard to know how much pain to accept, tolerate or live with, when you live in a certain amount of pain all the time. It’s also hard to recognize when pain has worsened until it eases up and I think wow — I was hurting a lot!
I decided about three years ago to take medication for widespread ongoing pain.
“Pain and Living,” is one of my posts in this blog, which was written about the time when I decided that enough was enough. I could only tolerate so much pain. I had met my limit.
I wanted a chance at living my life. I began to notice a difference in the quality of my life right away after going on medication for pain.
I was doing well with the medication. This means the level of pain I was experiencing was much lower and at times, managed well enough that I could do things I hadn’t been able to do in a long time.
Things were going pretty good and then came life. Regular ordinary life.
For me, regular ordinary life includes intermittent crises.
Stress triggers fibromyalgia and fibromyalgia is stressful.
My most recent stress is that I took a hard fall from my magic bike.
Within a ten-day span, I went from having a very sore elbow, shoulder and back, to waking up with severe back pain and finally feeling pain in every place in my body that has tissue.
Fibromyalgia covers a lot of ground.
Yesterday I was able to do some house chores. Some days I wake up and realize I’m able. I know I’m supposed to pace myself, but when I get these able days I try to catch up on things, especially dishes and bathroom chores.
Laundry is the hardest because of lifting clothes, out of the washer – into the dryer – out of the dryer – then folding them. Standing in one spot is hard too, which makes cooking and doing dishes a painful and/or fatiguing experience.
My sweet dog, a great insect hunter, barely brushed against my femur bone when I lied down after my chores and it felt like I was kicked in an already bruised spot. Fibromyalgia pain sometimes feels like my whole body is bruised.
My insect hunter, along with our other 4-legged relative, have been lying as close to my body as they can get over the past two weeks since I fell. They’ve literally had me locked down on the sofa a couple of times. The big one lying across my feet and the little one, only 45 pounds, likes to get anywhere she can and if that means on top of a leg or an arm, then that is where she gets.
Last night, after my day of chores, I woke up about 9pm on the sofa. Both dogs around me. My body was hurting all over. Moving was a struggle. I budged one of the dogs and she didn’t move. They were sleeping good.
I had overdone it with the laundry for sure! I’m not very good at giving in to rest. I truly needed to have that as my top priority.
By the end of today I cried some. I had walked the dogs. Not as far as they needed to be walked, but it was nice and we got a little sunshine. I let them smell where their little noses wanted to go. Lots of people just walk their dogs, but I let mine stop and smell. I once read where it’s good for a dog’s olfactory system to smell things every day. That made sense to me and I like things that make sense.
Dogs have what the native Americans call good medicine. Their medicine is loyalty. They give. This is what they do. They give. They are wonderful nurses!
Pain is stressful. It is tiring. Living with it all the time is depressing. It just is.
“How often do you wake up in pain?” My nurse’s question lingers in my mind.
How often is too often?
Related articles
- Pain in Fibromyalgia (dogkisses.wordpress.com)
- Without the label of fibromyalgia (dogkisses.wordpress.com)
- In all the fog, I write (dogkisses.wordpress.com)
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