Archive for the ‘pets’ Category

15 Mar

Bye Jack…

Posted by DOGKISSES in pet loss. Tagged: , , , , .

King Crown Tail

Image by J-Joyce via Flickr

The woman at the pet store pushed him on me.  I told her I had never cared for a fish and she said they were sooo easy.  She said all they needed was a bowl, some rocks, a small plant and some food.

Well, that is total bullshit!

I was crying, but now I feel angry, which honestly is easier to feel.

Poor Jack.

I could see he was sick yesterday, but I didn’t know what to do.  My son thought he was fine, but I didn’t.

I was going to get a real tank after having gone online to discover that Jack needed at least 2 gallons of water and a few more plants.

I didn’t have time yesterday and today, when I woke up, well… He is still over there in the bowl.

I can’t believe how it hurts.  I can’t just throw him out.  I guess I’ll put him in some paper and bury him.  I guess.  I don’t know what people do with a dead fish, at least, people like me, whose heart is as tender as my little Ruthie Mae’s is.

Jack made my son smile from ear to ear.

I took my son home yesterday and I’m glad he doesn’t have to see Jack now.

I’m mad because the pet store shouldn’t sell those fish telling folks they will live in a bowl!

Then too, like everything in my life that is sad or goes wrong, I feel like it’s my fault.  I must have turned the heat down too low last night.

Poor Jack.

I wonder if I should give up my idea to give my son a fish tank.  I was thinking about just buying another Betta, with a tank, a filter and a heater of course, and not telling my son that Jack died.  I think he would know.  He’s like me.  We feel lies like we smell onions.  Clearly and strongly.

I know it’s just a fish, but I am not ashamed to say, that I will likely cry again when I go over there to get him out of that bowl.

Jack was beautiful and when we first got him, he felt great.  He would swim the very short distance to the side of the bowl and stare directly at my son every time he walked up to him.  He was an iridescent black, blue, and red fighter fish.

Honestly, I loved him.  I know my son did, or does.  Sigh…

My son doesn’t like his apartment.  He is lonely.  I thought if he could have a pet that he might like his apartment, but he hadn’t taken Jack over there yet.  He didn’t want to either.

Maybe a rabbit?

I wish we could afford another dog.  I would go to the shelter today if we could.  I’d take my son and let him get a dog that would be good to have in town.

Our older dog is my son’s dog, but he’s aggressive to other big dogs, so he stays with me.  He also has terrible seizures.  Ruthie and I take care of Tiny.  He’s been with me five years now.  He’s been our family member for ten years now, since he was a baby.

We are able to care for our two dogs because we have Care Credit.  We use it to pay for the vet visits and then we pay monthly.  It is a great credit card to have.

I wish so much my son could have a pet in his apartment.  I can’t imagine living without one, particularly a dog.  I lived without my girl Free-girl for a month and that was before my son’s dog, Tiny, came to live with me.

It was one horrible lonely month!  I would go somewhere and then realize I didn’t have a dog at home, so I wouldn’t come home.  I’d wander around like a lost child downtown.  I began helping homeless drug addicts.

I helped a few get to a recovery house, but it was not my calling in life.  I needed a dog.

Fortunately, I had a friend who had been Free’s very good friend.  She knew more than I did what I needed, which was a new dog.  She talked me into going, “just to look,” at the shelter.  I met Ruthie that day and we haven’t missed one night together.

But now, I am sad to have lost Jack.

My gut is churning and my heart hurts.  Over a fish, I know, but it is true.  I feel awful, especially because I think I may have killed him by turning the heat in the house down last night.

Normally, I try, believe it or not, to offer readers something positive in my blog posts.

In this post, I can’t do that, other than to say, Betta fish need more than a bowl!

I’m sorry Jack.  I really am sorry.  I didn’t know what to do.

Bye Jack.

We love you.

~~~~~~~~~~

About Betta fish:

Along with the fact that they need way more than a bowl of water to live in, they also need an entirely different environment than what he had, which is why I feel angry at the pet store.

“They also need a filter and heater to ensure a long life. Betta fish like warmer waters, upwards of eighty degrees, so they can not live at room temperature.”  (Source:  See Related Articles below)

Well, after reading that, I feel worse.  I did let it get too cold in the house.

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16 May

A dog named Free

Posted by DOGKISSES in Canine companions, dogs, healing, pet loss, pet poem. Tagged: , , , , .

A dog who loved the river, resting after a swim.

Free, In her element by the mountain creek.

I was a young mother and at times, when I look back, I think I grew up with my son.  Sometimes I’d get strange ideas.  Like with getting a dog.  I told him if we were supposed to have a dog (as if everything is predetermined, which I don’t believe is so), that one would probably just come to us.  I told him if the opportunity arose before school started, which was only about ten days later, then I’d think about it.

“$25.00” read the sign on the side of the large cardboard  box. 

 I don’t know how my son spotted it since we were across the street eating , but he did.  We were at the Apple Chill festival downtown Chapel Hill, North Carolina. 

“Mom!  Look!”  And he ran.  He ran fast to the other side of the road and then I heard, “Mom, come here and hurry!”  

Approaching the box I had no clue what was inside.  My son had already spoken with the nice woman standing beside of it.  She was smiling.  He leaned down and came out with a small but fat black furry puppy.  It was the ninth day since I’d said what I had and unknowingly to me,  he had counted the days. 

“It’s the ninth day Mom!”  He placed the puppy in my hands and looked into my eyes.  Very quickly he said here let me take that one and he put it back in the box.  “There she is,” he said.  He picked up another puppy, gently placing  her in my hands.  A smile came across his face instantly and right then tears flowed from my eyes.

I didn’t know why.   I felt something deep inside me.  I knew she had come to us.  I knew too that we needed an extra family member.  Two was not enough.  We needed three and there was our third member, curled up in the cup of my hands just like she had fallen from heaven.

“Can we take her home now?” my son asked.  He hadn’t tried to hold her but instead he wanted me to keep holding her.  “You like her don’t you Mom,” he said with great confidence, and I most certainly did.

“I have some cash in my car,” I told the nice woman selling her puppies at the festival.  “I’ll go and get it.” 

My son’s face glowed. The woman’s eyes teared up.  “You don’t have to pay,” she said.  I can tell you guys are going to give her a wonderful home and that means so much to me.  I can tell you both already love her!”

“Here is eight dollars,” I told her, which was all the cash I had on me.  I offered to pay more but she insisted that we not pay anymore.  She thanked me saying this would cover the puppy shots she had paid for.

Free lived with us as our third and necessary extra family member for 12 years, which is not much time in my time, but a bit in hers.

Most people think she was free, but we named her after a horse from Texas.  Free always reminded me of horses.  She grazed in fields of grass as a pastime and almost always never got sick. 

I’m thinking about Free a lot lately.  Free lived every moment to the fullest.  She engaged in life with every fiber of her being, even in the end she still wanted to experience life, mostly the fresh air outside.  

Free passed with as much glory as she had come to us with, leaving her love and teachings with me forever.

I found a note I wrote shortly after she passed on.  I know it is sad to think about our pets who had to leave Earth, but for me, I cannot forget.

I spent three amazing days with Free shortly before she left this earth.  I spent every day with Free during her life,  but those three days were special.  I stayed with her the entire time.  I lied down as close as I could get with her in the corner.   The Thunder beings came, which always scared Free and I held her close.  I stared into her eyes and I told her all that she meant to me.

People think you’re crazy when you say you can communicate with your dog.  I think people who can’t are kind of strange.

Free sure shared a lot with me.   She was my teacher.  Those three days –Free showed me the world from her view.   I could see life from a place of complete forgiveness, peace and a knowing that it is all okay.

I came across this note I’d written in my diary shortly after Free passed on.

She remains an angel.  

A gift from God

I am humbled 

  My face towards the ground, my head hanging low

I reach for the earth,  the roots run deep

I return to the sky,  the trees stand tall

And this is Free

She is everything beautiful.

Pretty flowers grew and beauty appeared in the woods where no other flowers grew. A healing garden in memory of my best friend, a furry four-legged girl.

A Healing Garden, In Memory of Free

26 Apr

I AM FREE

Posted by DOGKISSES in Canine companions, pet loss, pet poem. Tagged: , , , , .

I AM FREE


I am Free.
I once had four legs with webbed paws.
I swam in rivers, lakes, ponds and the ocean.
I plopped down in big ‘ol dirty mud puddles too.

I absolutely loved water!
I fetched sticks and balls
and anything my human friends threw for me.

I loved it on earth!
I had a great human mom
and a terrific big brother to play with me.

I went camping and traveled
all around the country
with my beloved human family.
We had lots of fun!

I loved them very much and they loved me too.
I once ran so fast into a stick that I had to have surgery.
I was very enthusiastic about fetching!

I swam in just about every river in the southeastern United States.
I camped in most of the national forests.

I went all the way to New Mexico and once lived on a horse farm in Texas.
I was named after a horse that my human mom’s friend knew.

I did lots of fun things during my life on earth.
I totally digged food and raw meat bones!
I ate all sorts of things that my human family thought I shouldn’t have.
I once ate an entire bag of Halloween candy!


Chocolate, caramel, suckers, chewing gum, even the paper.
I liked everything in the bag, except for the very hot red balls.
I tried each one but that was no fun.

I was a very good girl but I did steal toys from neighbors.
I was kind of spoiled.

As I got older I didn’t care much for other four-leggeds in my territory.
I did like one in particular.
I loved visiting her and running in her grass.
She lived on a farm at my human aunt’s house,
so I guess, we were first cousins.

I lived on earth almost 13 years.  That’s almost 90 human years.
I enjoyed my life and loved my family,
so I will tell of that and our wonderful years together.

I want my human family to remember our fun times.
I want them to be happy when they think of me.
I am Free.

In Memory of my Free Girl, who blessed this earth from 1993-2006.

6 Oct

I AM FREE, an ode to my beloved companion

Posted by DOGKISSES in dogs, grief, love, pet poem, poetry. Tagged: , , , , , .

Remembering Free, with Love


This is Free in her element. Resting in between swims along the river. Free was my companion, a loved family member, my son’s best buddy and the greatest teacher in life I’ve ever known.  I loved Free and I will always miss her.

Free, resting on rock beside, "Little" Wilson Creek

Free blessed this earth from 1993 - 2006 and forever lives in my heart

 

I AM FREE

I once had four legs with webbed paws.

I swam in rivers, lakes, ponds and the ocean.

I plopped down in big ‘ol dirty mud puddles too.

I absolutely loved water!

I fetched sticks and balls

and anything my human friends would throw for me.

I loved it on earth!

I had a great human mom and a

terrific big brother to play with me.

I went camping and traveled around the country

with my human family.

We had lots of fun!

I loved them very much and they loved me too.

I once ran so fast into a stick

that I had to have surgery.

I was very enthusiastic about fetching!

I swam in nearly every river in the southeastern

United States.

I camped in most national forests.

I went all the way to New Mexico

and once lived on a horse farm in Texas.

I did lots of fun things during my life on earth.

I totally digged food and raw meat bones!

I ate all sorts of things that my human family

thought I shouldn’t have.

I once ate an entire bag of Halloween candy.

Chocolate, caramel, suckers, chewing gum,

even the paper.

I liked everything in the bag

except for the very hot red balls.

I tried each one but they were no fun.

I was a very good girl

but I did steal toys from neighbors.

I was kind of spoiled

and as I got older I didn’t care much

for other four-leggeds in my territory.

I did like one in particular.

I loved visiting her

and running in her grass.

She lived on a farm

at my human aunt’s house,

so I guess we were first

cousins through human relation.

I lived on earth almost 13 years.

That’s almost 90 human years!

I enjoyed my life and loved my family

I will tell of that

and our wonderful years together.

I want my human family to remember our fun times.

I want them happy when they think of me.

I am Free.


dogkisses, 2006 Red heart

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