All my tears may account for years but when I look at these photos, I can see that it was only days ago that I was smiling. I smiled yesterday when I received a surprise phone call from a friend.
Yesterday brought a resolution to a recent crisis, but the aftermath of having gone through it has triggered an acute episode of severe depression.
Depression is something I’ve suffered with for most of my adult life but most certainly I don’t feel this bad all the time. I couldn’t take it if I did.
I also have PTSD. I am sure this is the root of the depression I’m experiencing. I had terrible nightmares after the resolution. The crisis was too familiar, which is all I’m able to write at this time.
I’m sharing these photos because the moments in time when they were taken, which was not so long ago, I was okay. Okay meaning able to smile, eat, enjoy parts of my life and sleep.
I have laughed before and I will laugh again — maybe today but until then, I hope you like the pictures.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
campdance
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DOGKISSES 
Posted by All my tears « Dogkisses's Blog | feelgr8.net on September 15, 2010 at 2:06 AM
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Posted by Barbara on September 11, 2010 at 11:03 PM
I’m sorry you are feeling down….its so horrible. I get so sick of it too. Why why why? Hope you are feeling better soon.
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Posted by dogkisses on September 12, 2010 at 6:55 AM
Hi Barbara!
I’m so glad to see that you stopped at my blog. I’ve been thinking of you. And thanks for the well wishes. I feel quite a bit better. Physically still in lots of pain and that’s kind of depressing too but am better than I was when I wrote this.
I hope you are doing okay.
hugs and dogkisses.
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Posted by jeneli on September 8, 2010 at 5:31 AM
Depression is horrible. I hope it passes soon.
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Posted by dogkisses on September 8, 2010 at 9:08 AM
hi jeneli–
yes, it is horrible. Thanks for commenting, especially on this post.
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Posted by CJ on September 7, 2010 at 11:54 PM
Oh, Miss Dogkisses, what are we to do? Damn the universe for hurting you again! I don’t get it. I just don’t and never will understand why good people have to be hurt, damaged, injured over and over.
My sister is going thru hell again. She is such a giving, caring person and now the universe has come crashing down on her AGAIN!
Damn it! I feel so helpless to support either of you. The distance prevents me. My own fragility and emotional pain hinder my ability to do much more than cry and ache for you both.
Please know that I care deeply. I am here in my own feeble way. Please let me know if there might be something I can do to help you thru the dark pit of severe depression. Funny, you would think having been there so recently I would know what to do, what might help. I know the passage of time is one bit of help. Though I have no control over it I can hope and pray (even if God and I are not on very good terms of late) that you will feel time passing quickly, quickly taking the depression with it.
This I know: you are loved and cared for by many. Though we can’t “be” there for you, the electronic airways are sending hugs and the warmth of friendship to you.
Be strong, Miss Dogkisses. You are loved.
me
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Posted by dogkisses on September 8, 2010 at 9:17 AM
Thank you CJ,
I’m glad I shared because it does feel better that you and Rose, and jeneli took time to comment. It means a lot. I don’t think I was fishing for comments but they sure do feel good, I must admit. I felt bad for not being able to post and not so great at commenting lately either.
You know, it is kind of weird how people who care seem to be the ones who go through the most shit. I don’t get it but that’s life I guess. It ain’t Hollywood is it?
I’m sorry your sister is having a hard time too. I hope our lives get lighter soon. Today I’m not in tears, yet, so hopefully that’s a good sign. Now if my pain meds will kick in maybe I’ll have a decent day. (Seems like the more depressed I get the more pain I have)
Thank you CJ. I really appreciate your words.
Miss Dogkisses (I still like the sound of that.)
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Posted by Rose on September 7, 2010 at 4:31 PM
I pray for smiles and laughter. I understand the depression…..it makes me hide. So my friend i wish you the happiness you deserve!
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Posted by dogkisses on September 7, 2010 at 10:59 PM
Thank you Rose!
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