Bye Bye and Hello!
“I like reading blogs about fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” I told my good friend.
He laughed. He thought I was joking.
Realizing I was serious, my friend and I started a conversation, which was as healthy as the awesome brunch he had prepared for us.
My friend is a wonderful cook. He likes to show off his talents in the kitchen. I’m always happy when I’m on the receiving end of his pancakes made from scratch or the egg dish he makes when I’m feeling particularly down.
Having a real friend is one blessing in my life that helped me rise above the darkness I found myself in after falling prey to a narcissist’s deviant intentions, lies and games.
My friend has never read a blog, but he sure bought me this little computer I’m writing in mine with.
There weren’t any hidden agendas in the gift. No power-tripping. Nothing other than wanting to do something for a friend out of love. Unconditional love is a wonderful gift.
The relationship I had, with a man who by all means behaved like a text-book narcissist, was toxic to my mind, body and spirit. He had also given me gifts. Alas. Each one came with a price. I would later learn that everything the man had done or offered, in the name of love and kindness, was all a part of his dark and destructive intentions.
Ending a relationship with a man who suddenly changed, and so drastically that he became unrecognizable, was a shocking and painful experience. I did end it though, and from that day forward, I am healing.
I’m making new memories. My spirit is renewed in new acquaintances, but even more by remembering the good friends I have. Authentic interactions with people is healing my heart and helping me to sort through the confusion that was left.
I can feel a return to myself.
I started writing again. I’m enjoying simple things like sitting by a fire. My mental and emotional health is better, but it took a pretty long time for the pain to settle down. Healing after abuse takes time.
Practicing gratitude has helped me heal. Every little thing helps when you’re assembling pieces of your self. Being grateful is said to be a state of mind, and I believe it.
A healthy life after a toxic relationship is possible.
Aside from practicing gratitude, saying No was crucial for me to get out and stay out. I had to say NO many times, at first to the man with harmful intentions and finally, to myself each time I doubted the truth.
“No” icon via IconDoIt
Thank you for visiting Dogkisses’s blog!
Related articles
- Why Gratitude? (believehopedream.com)
DOGKISSES 
Posted by ruthieannsings on December 16, 2010 at 3:52 PM
woof
LikeLike
Posted by dogkisses on December 17, 2010 at 12:29 AM
ruff ruff ruff…
LikeLike
Posted by Jasmine on December 13, 2010 at 11:09 AM
Dear dogkisses,
I prefer cats. But I like your articles . I’m narcissists victim’s too.
mother,two sisters and a brother and the worst of them the husband who left.
Continue.
Jasmine
LikeLike
Posted by dogkisses on December 17, 2010 at 12:30 AM
Jasmine –meow…
I hope the new year brings you peace and joy. Take care of your heart b/c it sure sounds like you deserve to be cared for.
dogkisses
LikeLike
Posted by CZBZ on May 21, 2010 at 6:36 PM
You know what I’ve decided, Dogkisses? If I ever get in another seriously intimate relationship again (doubtful but who knows what the future has in store?), I will be more pleased to hear a man’s GRATITUDE that i’m in his life than hearing mushy stuff about how much he LOVES ME.
Did you know some folks say they LOVE you but they don’t appreciate you at all? You figure that out eventually. If you don’t appreciate someone, you can’t possibly love them, can you???
So your blog post really resonated with me today since I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude and how this fundamental STATE OF MIND provides a foundation for love. Gratitude isn’t a feeling really—it’s more like an attitude maybe. I need to think some more about that.
As usual, I love reading your blog.
Big hugs and catkisses,
CZBZ
LikeLike
Posted by dogkisses on May 21, 2010 at 9:18 PM
Hi CZ!
That’s right, you never know about the future and a man would sure be lucky to have you! Yes, I agree, as usual with you, gratitude is much better than mushy love, although having them together would be nice. Perhaps I’m a dreamer.
I studied a little about biofeedback and gratitude is a state of mind; one that offers physical and psychological healing. The therapist told me some folks believe that there is an invisible pathway from the brain to the heart and the only way to get there is thinking grateful thoughts (or that was the way they knew how to activate that part of the brain waves they were looking for)– so I thought of my dogs a lot and watched the computer screen brighten up with many colors.
And you bet I know about how SOME folks say they love you but do not appreciate you — know it well.
Thanks for the catkisses! My first online catkisses!!!
LikeLike
Posted by Leslie Sigal Javorek on May 19, 2010 at 9:14 PM
Dogkisses – I pray that you read your own posts for in them you’d find that you are NO LONGER A VICTIM! You have identified the abuser and stood up for yourself and you HAVE moved on! Yeah, you still have those blue, weepy days and sometimes still question how you fell into the clutches of such a malignant manipulator – that’s because you are a sensitive, caring and intelligent person, though. Those days and feelings will continue for a while but will grow less and less frequent as you’re able to fill your time and your thoughts with new people, new dreams, and new experiences. Your FRIEND is wonderful but the relationship says as much about who YOU are as who HE is. It is proof positive that you are someone who deserves and has earned such friends. I am confident you are as good a friend to him in return. Time now to take care of yourself. Go out in the sunshine. Nourish your body and mind and spirit with brand new thoughts, experiences (and FOOD). There is a whole world and life out there waiting for you to hop on board. Kiss the pooch – do the funky chicken – and LIVE!
BTW, great use of the NO! icon….
Love one of your other many friends,
Leslie
LikeLike
Posted by dogkisses on May 19, 2010 at 9:38 PM
Leslie,
Awesome!!! Thank you! Thank you so much for your encouragement.
I really am trying hard to live again. It’s been such a rough year but I must thank you again, because you are the one who planted the seed in my brain that there is “life after the narcissist.”
I am also trying to eat more.
I rode my magic bike yesterday. I talked with a girlfriend today, a new friend too.
I miss my friend but look forward to hearing about his adventures. He tells me he is very happy and feels lucky to have me too. I love him.
I just got unlucky didn’t I? But it is over now and I know in my heart that my life is changing for the better!
I’m too tired to dance like a chicken now, but soon we will dance again, I’m sure.
I hope you are doing okay. Actually, I hope you are doing well.
Love and dogkisses to you!
LikeLike
Posted by michelle jadaa on May 19, 2010 at 4:46 PM
You are strong and intelligent ,you are woman:)
I have a 12 year old lab..Crystal and 2 cats …Eeyore and Itachi.sometimes they are my only company,they keep me getting up in the morning !
LikeLike
Posted by dogkisses on May 19, 2010 at 5:29 PM
Michelle– thank you! What great names for your cats! my girl Free was a lab too. And animals are good alarm clocks aren’t they? Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you are doing well. Also, thank you for such a nice compliment! You sure know how to make me feel good with your comments.
LikeLike
Posted by myfoggybrain411 on May 19, 2010 at 3:34 PM
What a great post (as always)!!! You sound so UP and happy!! What a difference from the very first time I read your blog. Very, very cool my friend… 🙂 It’s so good to read. I am so glad you have a healthy friend who is taking care of your heart and nourishing your mind. You so deserve it!
I love the picture of the two dogs looking out the window… that is so cute!
You sound like you are in a really good place… bottle it up for the next time you are feeling down so you can remember this and go back to it.
You are such an inspiration.
Take care!!
LikeLike
Posted by dogkisses on May 19, 2010 at 5:36 PM
myfoggybrain– How are you? I was thinking of you today. I’m very tired these days but I guess, you are right, even though I’m not feeling too healthy, I guess I am doing much better than when I started my blog, almost ten months ago. Times are still tough, I must admit.
I am grateful though.
I almost came to your blog today but am just plain tired.
Thank you, as always, your words are uplifting to me.
I miss my friend but I know he is enjoying himself and he deserves that because he is a really good person.
I have to work on my emotional health right now, but I’m glad my post was an inspiration. Knowing that really means a lot to me, which inspired this post.
Thank you!
dogkisses and hugs to you!
LikeLike
Posted by Barbara on May 18, 2010 at 11:16 PM
I loved reading this! I am so glad you have YOUR FRIEND and have left the narcissist in the dust where he belongs. I know exactly what you mean about blogs brining joy and healing. My “blog friends” have become such an important part of my life. I get so much encouragement and compassion from them.
You asked if I had a dog, yes! Two: Chloe a Rat Terrier and Daisy a Border Collie Mix. They are the “family” dogs not my very own, but I hope to have my very own again someday.
LikeLike
Posted by dogkisses on May 19, 2010 at 8:19 AM
Barbara,
Hi! Nice to see you read what I wrote. I’m kind of writing to be writing because I enjoy the process but of late it seems like I don’t quite have my groove going.
I’m super glad you liked what I wrote!
I enjoyed visiting your blog and look forward to coming back.
Take care and thanks again for visiting!
dogkisses and hugs to you. (I love those doggies names)
LikeLike