Several days ago I’d placed the bill in the center of my desk, clearly visible without any surrounding clutter. August 6th. I had the number planted in my brain. No biggie. All I have to do is make a quick call to my agent’s office and the bill is paid.
Apparently though, it is a biggie. Everything is lately. I can’t concentrate on one subject very long, particularly bills. The act of paying them makes my gut get all twisted and gives me anxiety. It also makes my brain feel like it’s being squeezed. I get nauseated and dizzy. I go lie down and think maybe in a few minutes I’ll feel better and can pay the bill.
The best of a week passed and I kept trying to pay it. I did call once and for the first time the number was busy. I called back and busy again. I went back to bed for a little while. I don’t like going to bed during the day. At least not regularly when it’s because I’m sick.
I like lying in bed on a cold winter’s day reading a good book. I like to take naps when it rains or an afternoon spent enjoying the sweet company of love, but I don’t like this business of having to lie down every little while because I’m too tired to do things and too tired to think. I have things I both need and want to do.
I woke up with anxiety today. I sat down at my desk immediately realizing it was the fifth. I remembered I needed to pay the bill. While having my coffee I paid two other bills. Finally, I saw the auto bill.
too tired but not too late
I’ve been a customer there for over a decade. I remember when I first went to their office, which is in the mountains of western North Carolina. One thing I loved about living there was that all the businesses had flower gardens outside their offices. I also loved the old beautifully restored houses, some of which were commercial property.
Today the agent answered when I called. I usually talk to his secretary. He’s a nice man. I told him I needed to pay my bill. I made a remark about me possibly being the only customer who waits until the last minute.
He laughed. “Oh no,” he said politely. “Lots of people wait,” and I heard him keying in my name on his computer. “Yes,” he said. “You have until,” he paused and laughed again, but in a nice way, ” until today.”
“Yes, I know,” I answered and laughed too. Why not laugh? I mean partly out of relief because for one thing, it doesn’t say the sixth. It’s the fifth and that is today!
“Well, you’re just in time,” he said.
I couldn’t believe he said it! That’s my line. “Exactly,” I said to him. I was happy he saw it my way.
DOGKISSES 
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